Microsoft enters PC race with XboXXX

On September 23, 2017 Microsoft spokesperson, Michael Rotch, announced that the next Xbox would be the best console the world has ever seen. The secret, Rotch said, is that it will be a PC. Rotch went on to say technobabble bullshit. 
Local Xbox fanboy Tyler E reacted by saying, “Yeah. It makes perfect sense. I’d follow Xbox anywhere and if they wanna make this next leap I’m with them. Hey. I pray to Major Nelson every night, buddy.”
The news has some game enthusiasts baffled. Local nerd Jeff H stated, “isn’t that what Microsoft already does? Don’t they already make PC’s?”
Noice interviewed Rotch. The spokesperson stated, “The irony? What do you mean?”
The XboXXX will allow gamers to mod games, use Xbox One certified controllers, and even access Facebook. Console exclusive include Spider Solitaire, Freecell, Minesweeper and built in digital audio workstation Super Duper Music Looper. Hackers beware; Microsoft has included with price of purchase a 30-day free trial of McAfee. 
Microsoft founder, Bill Gates, weighed in on the subject by saying, “What the fuck?”
Noice News 

-ches 

The Return of Bubsy! Help Meow-t! 

Many characters from the video game world have had their time in the limelight and seen it fade. With no hope of reemergence, characters like Banjo, Fox McCloud, Conker and, most recently, Crash Bandicoot have felt the breeze of a second wind fill their tired hopeless lungs back to relevant life. Yet, one character still sits in the past patiently waiting for his triumphant return. My friends, it’s time Bubsy comes back. 
Released in 1993 by Accolade, Bubsy in Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind, was met with mixed reviews. However, Busby did receive Electronic Gaming Monthly’s award “Most Hype for a Character of 1993” as well as an eight out of ten from the same publication. Gamepro also gave it a five out of five. However, IGN claimed the title to be nothing more than a Sonic rip off. The gaming news organization stated Busby was a lack luster title that attempted to do the same things as Sonic just not as effective. IGN went further to state both titles used blast processing. However, Sonic’s levels complimented his speed where as Bubsy’s did not. However, a sequel was born. 
The following year Bubsy II was released with again mixed reviews. IGN the harshest of the critics stated that the gameplay was neater yet the title still lacked a creative ideas. Yet, Gamepro gave the title a positive review by saying the personally of Bubsy was the biggest appeal of Bubsy II. 
The next sequel, Bubsy in Fractured Furry Tales, was an Atari Jaguar exclusive. The game was met with similar reviews as previous installments. Although only 60,000 copies were made according to Inside Electronic Game Design, it seemed almost as though Bubsy was here to stay. 
(Dramatic music)
Then the age of 3D crept up like the reaper himself. Released in 1996, Bubsy 3D, was actually met with praise. PSextreme even gave the game a score of 93% as well awarding the title their “Gold X Award.” NowGamer went as far to say, “Bubsy 3D nips in and steals the 3-D crown.” However, the flow of time is always cruel. Later reviews panned the game. Seanbaby ranked Bubsy 3D as the 17th worst game of all time. IGN stated this was the most clear example of how not to transition from 2D to 3D. 
That’s where we find a once beloved character. The franchise has since gone quiet. Bubsy might just be a memory now When we see the titles in store and garage sales we will say, “oh yeah. I remember that game.”
(Dramatic Pause) 
However, Bubsy’s lungs are starting to breathe anew. As of June 8, 2017, a new Bubsy title has been announced for PC and PS4. Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back has been announced for release on Halloween 2017. While critics have met this news with indifference, the team presses forward to reunite Bubsy with a fan base that truly misses the cat with the personality. A trailer has even surfaced showing off our familiar friend in his new adventure. 
Now, we wait for what have many considered an impossible feat. The return of a hero that gaming forgot and with the resurgence of retro games Bubsy is right on time. After all, “What could possibly go wrong?” 
-ches

Link to trailer 

Fighting For the Top

Bu dum… bu dum… bu dum… his heart beating fast, not knowing what to do next. They told him fighting the Red Falcon Organization would be be tough, but he had no idea what he got himself into. He had a chance for a partner and got to cocky, turning him down not knowing he would be fighting aliens instead of humans.
Pressing forward, going deeper into the base, the hero can hear a faint voice letting him know he can do it. Remembering the task at hand he focuses and pushes everything out and concentrates. Taking every weapon he has found along the way there is no stopping him now.
Finally the boss of this place, Red Falcon, has shown his face. Fighting desperately as the hero jumps, dives and shoots his way around the place. As he thinks its over he defeats him, not knowing that he still has to destroy the heart for it to be done. As he walks closer and closer he finds this out for him self. The heart releasing all kinds of insects to fight and destroy him. This is truly a fight to remember as it can be anyways game. Sadly with one miss jump ends it all. As the hero is dying he can see a counter counting down from 10, nothing he can do.
The hero looks over and he is out of quarters, everyone cheering him. As soon as they all realize there are no more change left for him to continue, a disheartening presence surrounded the room. Zach looks over and shouts to the room “Next time ill be the top of the Contra leaderboard and beat this game.” The room erupted with cheers and everyone went back to their games.

Tales of a Technician: Taxi Service

This day started like any other day. Woke up saw my jobs on where to go and headed out. I noticed i had the same woman’s name twice on my page both houses on opposite sides of town. Makes it nice so that way i can deal with one person most the day.
Well i pull up to the house and see no vehicles in the yard, but still decided to knock. As i knock i hear a yelling from the door screaming at me “GO TO THE BACK DOOR!” I comply. The door opens and come to find out the whole place is being renovated. Perfectly explains the reason why we couldn’t deal with the front door. As I’m doing my walk through, while dodging the holes in the floor, we are ready to get started.
I like to make small talk with customers while working if they are going to be breathing down my neck the whole time I am there, so i started asking about the renovation. Boy let me tell you i was very wrong about it. She had apparently been just sleeping in a back room and they bought the house to fix up 2 years prior. They just haven’t felt like getting it up and going until recently. Not sure as when they are going to start.
Well i get to the end of the job getting everything sorted out. Before i call my Field Support Center, I ask her “So was someone coming to get you and take you to the other house?”
She tells me “Well i got a little bit of money I am going to get you lunch” not answering the question. I told her she didn’t have to and all that cause i had my own lunch. Then she decides to tell me ” Well how else am i going to make up for you taking me to the other house?” Confused as can be i just look at her and ask her what she is talking about.
She told me i am suppose to take her to the other side of town in my company vehicle as its part of my job to take care of the customer. After scratching my head wondering how she thought that I had to explain to her that i am in a company vehicle, she is not on the insurance and i could lose my job with her riding with me. After a back and forth discussion she finally gets it in her mind what I’m trying to tell her. So she orders her a taxi.
On to the extremely fun part.
 I pull up to the house and the first thing the customer tells me is “You are not afraid of Roaches are you?” . Not that I’m thrilled with having to deal with roaches at any house, but i still tell her “No they don’t bother me too much.” trying to be nice.
Well i as we do the walk through i see a couple here and there, so not a big deal. I get started on the job and get my stuff out. As i set my laptop up i see more and more roaches appear. Decide to keep my electronics out side.
As i pull the old alarm panel keypad off the wall I am immediately ambushed by roaches. If i could have counted them all i would have counted to at least 384,489. I had to explain to the woman that i did not feel comfortable getting in the attic and why i wasn’t. An awkward conversation to say the least. I am trying to install her new stuff and i swear to you that the roaches were helping me install every bit of it. I needed gloves and sanitation stuff all around me to help.
Wrapping up the job, my box of trash sitting out in the living room. Contemplating on what to do with it I decide to put it in my van. As i go to pick it up i see roaches have decided to play Game Of Thrones and overthrow the kingdom of trash box. I had no choice to leave it there. The customer told me to take it with me. Only thing that came to mind to prevent my van from being taken over by the Roach Walkers was to tell her she bought the box with the equipment and it was hers to keep in case she needed to mail it to us.
I have made it out the house and along my way. Almost mugged by the roaches and taken to their leader but i survived.

Tales of a Technician: Jamaican Lady

Being a service technician can lead to you meeting some interesting people when you have to go to their houses. I am going to  start sharing some of my experiences to allow you to see my view at work.

Today was like any other day, woke up, running late, driving a distance away. Tried to call my customer on two numbers to let her know i was on my way, no answer. As i pull up to this house they have a chain link fence, 6 ft tall. Upon a closer look of it it’s a dog kennel that has been pulled together with ropes, chains and locks. I sit for a minute as i have no way to get in this yard to knock on the door. I put my vehicle in drive to pull off and she comes walking out the door.

I wave and get her attention and she comes over ans unlocks the gate. Walking into the yard she states she has been killing her grass.  Looking around i see that she has a half burned chair and couch with gas cans next to it. I asked if that was why. She stated “No i have had hundreds of flowers die to so cant be”. “Alright on to the house then” i thought.

As i took my first step i went sliding across the floor. No idea what was on the floor i know it was all wet, good thing the living room was like a furniture store. I looked around and counted two love seats, two couches, a old 90s big screen and a fridge, yes a fridge. The living room was probably 30x25ft. 

While i was fixing what was broken i hear some weird knocking sound. Looking around trying to find this sound i found the kitchen. This kitchen had a chainlink dog kennel, two washers, 2 dryers, 2 stoves, 3 mocrowaves, and a fridge with no door. After i seen it she tells me “sorry for the mess I had guest last night”

I finally found this sound that ive heard for 20 minutes though. It was a screen door… with chickens pecking at it. I mean its cool to have chicken but we are in the middle of a neighborhood, in the middle of a major city, where no farm land is in the area at all. I mean ghe candles around the place, im not sure if this is for voodoo rituals or what. I took it as lets fix this and get out of here quick.   

Concept idea for Grapes of Wrath

I wrote this about 5 years ago. I was taking a class in college, the short time i went, called Intro to video game designing. As a class assignment i had to write a concept idea for a video game and this is what i came up. It may not be written well or proper, but I’m proud of what i came up with. Overall its a mix of different areas of the story about Grapes. I have contemplated on giving it a go and write out a lot more but I’m not entirely sure.  So yeah here it is

_________________________________________________________________________________

As days go by the chances of discovering a new soiled land in this giant world seems impossible. The rainy Night seems to bring hope in helping this adventure out. Vitis, the head scientist and smartest of the town Armenia, lays in bed and wonders how he will be able to return to town without any progress. He pulls his glasses off and goes to sleep. Waking up the next morning bright an early Vitis leaves his sleeping bag and wakes his crew to set out once again in the search for a suitable soil for the dying town to move too. As the hunt continues the clouds slowly disperse and the sun starts to shine. This brings great concern for this group of grapes as they are not able to withstand a constant exposure to the sun. Vitis urges his crew to stay under the trees and plant life to help shield from the sun. After a few more hours of walking there is a discovery of great soil. They problem is there is no shade to help block from the sun. Vitis orders his crew to venture out to the soil to check it out and see how it is. They discover there is something abnormal with this soil its something they have never seen before and get to studying longer and harder than ever. Being in the sun is starting to have an effect on the grapes, they can’t withstand it too much longer. Vitis shouts “just with hold a little longer we are almost in a break through and we need this for Armenia”. Just as he shouted a member of his crew falls over and starts to shrivel. As this happens members of the crew try to get back to the shade away from the grasp of the sun, but it seems to be too late as more and more fall over and start to shrivel. Vitis can’t believe what he is seeing happen before his eyes. He then falls over and is the last to shrivel. Waking up a few minutes later Vitis sees his crew in shambles and starts to remember what just happened minutes before he assumed he was dying. Looks around and starts to wonder whats going on. He walks off to get some water and as he sees a puddle of water and sees his reflection he sees that he has turned into a monster. He is sun-dried out and his now a raisin. He does not understand why he is still alive others that have told the tale of this happening to other grapes said they died. Thinking out loud “Could this be the reason as to why the soil was so abnormal”? Just then Vitis hears grunts and mumbles and sees that the others are waking up as well. One by one the crew is standing up. Looking as they are in a zombie state of mind, Vitis wonders to himself if that because of his I.Q and brain power is that why he his able to think like nothing has happened to him. He tries communicating to the others and no response but they do seem to like to wanna follow his command.

This has brought a new thought to Vitis’s mind he can control this group of “raisin zombies” and start to use them to show those that have tormented and bashed him for his researching and experiment to help take Armenia to a new location. Those that he wants to suffer he can make them pay dearly for doubting him. He no longer has to worry about the sun, people, or anything. Vitis then shouts “Raisin Zombies follow me and we shall show everyone what we have discovered and make them pay!”. He storms off with his new army of Raisin zombies following behind him. Laughing menacingly and having the look of pure evil he starts to work on his diabolical plan.

As Lightning streaks Kerner wakes up from a light sleep into a deep train of thought. Its been 3 yrs since Vitis has started coming to the village and taking away members of his family and his friends. No one really knows the true purpose as to why but all everyone knows is Vitis needs to be stopped. Kerner walks to his window and stares out it reminiscing of those he has lost to Vitis and the Raisin zombies. He decides to get more sleep, he has a long morning ahead of him. Kerner is almost set to head out to go to his Boxing class, as he grabs his gloves to walk out the he hears a loud scream. Running out to see where this scream came from. He notices that Vitis and Raisins are back and are taking more people. Running as fast as he can to Cinsault’s house, His closest and most dear friend who he has grown up with all his life, to find that the Raisins have invaded. Cinsault is trying to battle off a horde of the raisins with her staff she uses for training. Kerner throws his gloves on and joins the fight to fend them off. As Kerner throws the last punch he turns to Cinsault and says “ Cin are you ok, did they hurt you in anyway?” They here a yelp from in the house. They see a group running and see that Cin’s little brother, pinot, is tied up and over the shoulder of the biggest one of the group. Cin screams “PINOT!” but it is too late they vanish out of sight.

Kerner tries to chase them but they are too far out his reach. As they get in a buggy, a moving building powered by insects, and escape. Worried about Cin he rushes to a devastated girl crying. He feels bad for Cin and knows how much her little brother ment to here after her parents were the first ones to be kidnapped on the start of all this 3 years ago. He wants to consul her but he just doesn’t know what its like to lose a family member especially since he was forced to live alone after his parents died when he was an infant. All Kerner knows is that Cin is the closest thing he has ever had and he hates to see her in this state. “ Cin I vow that I will hunt them down till I find Pinot even if I lose my life” Kerner says with such passion. She yells “Kern, there is nothing you can do just give it up” but as she knows he has always been a hard-headed fool that will do anything once he sets his mind to it no matter what the danger is, After grabbing material Kerner starts to set off on his journey. After 5 steps he sees Cin walking behind him “What do you think you are doing Cin.” Cin says “ im going with you he is my brother and you are my friend I don’t want you taking this burden on alone” He understands her pain is great so he allows this. “Grab your staff and let’s get going we will find him no matter what.

***************JOURNEY STARTS HERE***********

After Adventuring off into the vast world out there Kerner and Cinsault have discovered many things they have never knew existed. Also they have noticed that Many of Vitis’s army of mutants and raisin zombies are running free in this world attacking town after town. Kidnapping not only fellow towns of grapes but also the cherry lands, apple orchids and many more. As they go from one village to another they are noticing all this destruction and tragedies. Stopping to help as many as they can along the way taking time to help those that are in need. They may be in a rush to save Pinot but they can’t deny those that need just as much help from the same things going on. As they are passing the outskirts of the cherry central. They run into a hut and see it’s still being used. This may be a chance for them to have a decent nights and gain some stamina to continue their journey. As they are set to knock on the door a Whip slices the air in between Kerner and Cinsault.. They Jump back to turn and see that it’s a black Cherry women with long blonde hair that is in 2 braids. She was wielding a vine whip as ready for battle. Mysterious woman yells “Who are you and what do you want, Why are you in my land”. Before Either one of them can get a word out they find themselves battling to save their lives. Kerner pulls out his glove and Cinsault readies her staff and they begin a battle they want no part of. As things keep heating up it seems that the mysterious women is starting to look a little worn out. “Stop I beg you I will give you what you want” she says. Kerner puts down the gloves and tells her “We only were passing by and just wanted a place to rest”. “We mean no harm honest we just wanted to talk” says Cin. “I am Marachina, and this is my land after I was banished from my home village.” As they enter the home of Marachina, Kerner speaks. “ I’m Kerner and this is Cin, we have been traveling across the land looking for Vitis in an attempt to get her brother back. We were just looking for a place to where we could possibly have a short rest rather than the woods like we have been.” Marachina sits and ponders for a second on this. “you guys may stay but on only if you could gather some ingredients for some medicine I am making.” They agree and start to head out to help out Marachina.

After all items are collected they head back and begin to enjoy the night with a little bit of company. They havent had the chance to really stay and get to know a person in a few weeks and its been kind of nice for them. After the stories have been exchanged there is just one more they are curious about before its time for bed. “Marachina why exactly were you banned from your village”. She stands up and storms to her bedroom “ That’ss nothing you need to know about now get some rest you must leave early”. Last thing Kerner hears before she is gone is her door slamming.

Waking up the next morning Cin and Kerner pack their stuff and try to say bye to Marachina before they leave. No luck in finding her. “ she must have left early Kern” Cin says. “yeah lets try and get out of her hair before we are anymore of a hindrance on her”. Walking out the door wishing they had one more chance to at least thank Marachina for her hospitality they head off back on the journey. After a few minutes Marachina has appeared in front of the pair. “im coming with you, I have my own agenda and I think we can help and lend each other a hand” She seems pretty determined so Neither Kern or Cin deny her but welcome her to the group.

We see a roly poly bouncing around the forest exploring what is all around him early in the morning. He finds a group of people sleeping and see they have plenty of yummy things in some backpacks. He decides to scoop all these things up and snack on them later. Just as he is bouncing off Kerner he awakes and sees the tail end of him disappear into the dawn. Wide awake realizing that all his stuff was stolen he awakes the others. The group stumbles around to find that everything they had from medicines, to food, to even their weapons have been stolen. They take off to try to find this roly poly that has taken everything they had. Being in this heavily dense forest with many creatures running around is going to turn to a problem for the group. —-

The Art of Aging

In the mid 1990’s, a boy was introduced to what should be described as the story telling platform of the digital age. He would walk the aisles of his local rental store as he carefully examined each box containing what he would hope would be a new adventure to last the weekend. After a process of elimination only a hopeful child could understand, he would make his choice. The car ride home would be brimming with excitement as the young lad rolled around the possibilities in his head of the rental he held tightly in his hands. His mother listened as her son would spout off his fascination of the colors and images that popped on the instruction booklet. Finally, the two would arrive home. The boy would load the cartridge in and the tv would hum with a familiar sound as it warmed up. The glow would shine on his face as he pressed the power button on the game system his parents had purchased for him and his sisters that previous Christmas. He was in heaven.

And then that boy woke up a man. He stared blankly at a flatscreen tv only a few feet away from him in his small living room. On the screen, danced new characters he had never dreamed of when he was just a child as well as few familiar ones. A new dawn had come in the video game industry and yet the man felt empty. Games that should have taken his breathe away simply brought a yawn instead. Diving into the world created by video game developers was once a priority for him and he once couldn’t wait to get lost in the lore of someone else’s creation. Now, the aging gamers just shuffles from one main story objective to the next. The blistering passion is now replaced with a desire for distraction from the “real”world. Reality had not been as kind to him as his fictional world had been for so many years. In one world he’s a conqueror and in another just an unnoticed NPC. The radicalized realm of video games was one of the few things that still helped him remember what it was like when he had no worries. However, hype had slowly started to shattered what was once his solace.

The continued barrage of titles that promised the world but could barely produce a grain of sand had taken their tole on his hope. The gamer no longer would buy in on promises made by developers. They guiltlessly pump out products that are cookie cutter in design and expect the consumers to pay up. Some even hold their characters hostage on consoles that are not worth the asking price. These creators know there is only one way to experience their new installment into an age old series and that is to pay more than what is comfortable. Often time for only one game.

There’s more to life than a few pixels on a screen some might say. However, there are men and women just like this man who were also once a child who still remember the days when a new game was all they could think about in their ever wondering minds. Ones that still believe and are occasionally let down by new titles. Yet, they press forward knowing that not all games are created equal. They continue on to purchase games that might let them down in hopes that one day they may feel like that kid sitting in front of an old box television having the time of their lives.

 

-ches